Not by my hands
by labelma
Summary: What if Al decided his life was worth living? What if he thought that maybe he could find a way to get Tris to forgive him? How would our beloved book be changed if Al decided not to jump? NOTE: this will still be a 10 fic! I have no intention of pairing Al and Tris romantically.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Ah plot bunnies. They never go away do they? I don't think I have ever seen anything like this on fanfic, so I'm gonna try it out. This probably won't be updated quickly, because I have two other stories already, and I refuse to drop them. This will be a little short, but it's only the prologue. **

The compound is completely quiet, which is rare for Dauntless. The only sound I can hear is the soft padding on my bare feet against cold stone, as I slowly make my way towards the chasm.

As I begin to approach the roaring underground river, a shiver jolts down my spine. I ignore it and I walk right up to the metal railing. The same metal railing that I helped Peter almost throw Tris off of.

I am a sick human being. I helped the man who was once my worst enemy, harm the girl I love all because I was wrapped up in my rage, jealousy, and depression. I asked her to forgive me, and she said no. She might never forgive me. Will and Christina stood right by her, and they probably won't forgive me. Peter is pissed that I ran away, so obviously Drew and Molly blindly followed him.

I have nothing, and no one left to live for. Sometimes, back in Candor, I could talk to the teachers if all else fails, but anyone with eyes can see that Four is moving in on my girl, well Tris. She isn't really my girl.

This thought sends me climbing over the railing. I am about to let go. I count back from 10, and I think about my family, and Tris, and all that I love. When I get to zero, I let go.

"I am just beginning to tip backwards, when I quickly grab the railing. What am I thinking? I can't die now, at least, not by my own hands. I'm so young. I have a whole life ahead of me. By not jumping, I can prove that I am not a coward, and that I don't run away from my problems. I can fix what is wrong in my life. I can make Tris forgive me. I can work at conquering my fears, so that maybe, just maybe I can become a Dauntless member.

I climb back over the railing. It may be my destiny to die, but it won't be me to cut the thread.

**A/N: I know it was super short, but I will start on the new chapter right away, and I will post it in maybe an hour. I hope you liked it. Please, Please, Please review! Criticism is fully welcome, I am always looking to improve, but I can't if I don't know what you think, so just please, please review. **


	2. please forgive me

**A/N: I know, I promised I would upload earlier, but I got a killer case of **_** Blockaus writineas**_** aka writers block. The chapters will go between Tris and Al's perspectives. A lot of the stuff from Tris's POV will be more then less unchanged from the book though. Also, I have not yet decided whether the war will happen or not. I feel like this chapter sucks eggs, but whatever. **

**Tris: **

I jolt awake. It takes me a minute to realize that my nightmare is over and this is part of real life. I may have had the best score for stage two, but the simulations still leak through the cracks in my wall.

The clock says that it is 8:00 and I begin to panic, before I realize that today we have off from initiation. Thank god. I can use a break. No one else in the dormitory is awake, and there is no good reason that I should be. I gently rest my aching head on my pillow, and I think happy thoughts, hoping it will put me to sleep. It doesn't.

I lay there for another hour, while my mind races, but eventually; my brain must get tired of worrying about all the troubles in my life, because I drift into a restless sleep.

It is noon by the time I wake up again. I convince myself to get out of bed and get ready. My moves are slow, and zombie-like, as I brush my hair and get dressed in my regular baggy black clothing. The thought crosses my mind of wearing something less modest, and form fitting, but I push it away, too tired to really give a shit. I slowly walk towards the cafeteria. When I get there, Will and Christina vigorously wave me over. They seem to be a little over eager, like they are trying to make up for their behavior two days ago, but I told myself I would forgive them, so I will.

I make my way over to their table and I grab some food, which tastes amazing, as always, but turns to cardboard as soon as I see who is also making his way towards our table.

"Go away Al." Christina says, with no emotion.

"I want to say sorry." He says. Part of me wants to forgive him. The other part of me wants to shoot him in the head.

"No one here wants to accept you apology." I say

"Please Tris, I wasn't thinking straight, I was depressed, please, I would ever hurt you again. I almost threw myself over the chasm last night."

"Well why didn't you? Seriously Al, you helped Peter try to throw me off the chasm, and you think we are going to be all fine? Fuck off Al."

"Calm down Tris, I'm sure you don't mean that."

"Of course I do! Why wouldn't I. it's not like that stuff actually happened, or anything."

Finally Al walks away. I automatically slump. I hate Al, and I hate that he keeps trying to apologize. What he did was unforgivable. He has to live with the consequences of what he did.

I continue eating. At least the food tastes good. Yum.

*pagebreak*

I walk through the hallways alone. I just need some time to myself, after everything that has happened in so few days. It's like I can barely remember the meek Abnegation girl I once was.

Suddenly, I hear footsteps, and I tense up. I really shouldn't, because the Dauntless compound is crowded, and the footsteps could belong to anyone, but I can't help feeling nervous.

I begin to run, and footsteps speed up too.

_Shit. I'm being followed! _

I sprint faster, but I am too focused on speeding up, and getting away from my follower that I don't notice a turn in the hallway, and I ram right into the wall. I'm and idiot. I complete fucking idiot that runs into walls.

I'm too winded to get up and keep running, so my follower catches up. I'm not the least bit surprised that it's Al.

"What do you _want _Al?"

"To apologize."

"I thought we established that I hate you, and won't forgive you this morning."

"I'm not taking no for an answer."

I painfully push myself up. "You're just gonna have to." I say before I walk off. He steps forward and grabs my arm.

"No, Tris, I will make you forgive me."

"Get off me right now you coward, or I swear I will scream, and tell anyone who comes to help me that you tried to rape me."

"You wouldn't"

I scream louder, and longer than I ever have before.

"Someone help me. Please!" I scream. Al looks hurt, and a small part of me _does_ want to forgive him, but I buried that part of me when I dripped my blood over the coals.

"Tris, please, I never, ever meant to hurt you." He says. His hand is still around my arm. I try to jerk free, but he doesn't let me go.

"Well you did, and you can go to your grave without my forgiveness." My voice is shaky, but cruel, and that small part of me flinches. I try to ignore it. Al is slightly taken aback.

I hear loud, quick footsteps, and thankfully, it's Four who comes into view.

"Get off of her. Now." Four says in his scarily calm voice.

"Why is it always him?" I hear Al mumble under his breath, but when he doesn't let go of my arm, Four punches him hard in his face, and Al falls backwards. At least he lets go of me. Thank god as soon as he gets up he runs off. Four would probably kill him if he attacked back. Is it bad I still worry about the fact Four could kill him?

"What was he doing to you?" Four asks, with a small trace of worry in his usually emotionless voice.

I was planning to tell whoever comes to help me that he was trying to rape me, or beat me up, but I feel like telling the truth for once.

"Nothing. I wanted him off me, so I threatened him that I would scream for help and make up a lie that he tried to rape me."

"So why isn't that what you told me."

"I don't know, I'm just angry at the world. None of this should have happened, and none of it would in Abnegation. I don't care if by saying that, it makes me a Stiff, but it's true."

His eyes dart to the wall above my head. His expression is laced with fear.

"Be careful Tris."

"Really?! _Be careful Tris _s all you can say?"

"No, I'm serious." He snaps, and he grabs my arm, dragging me down the hallway.

"Get off me; I will do the same thing I did to Al to you." I say coldly, although I am immediately remorseful. I shouldn't get angry and him.

"You need to be careful. They are watching you. Specifically you. I keep trying to help you, but you refuse to listen."

"Oh yeah, your help, like stabbing me in the ear, and constantly taunting me."

"I wasn't taunting you." He snaps "I was reminding you if you failed, Al would take you place."

I think back to that incident. His taunting _did_ make me more determined to keep going. He obviously sees my understanding in my face because he says,

"If I were you, I would do a better job of hiding your intentions, and before you ask why, it's because they want everyone to be the same, and blindly follow their rules like a pack of sheep, when someone doesn't follow the pack, they want that person gone."

I don't know what to say. I want to come up with a retort of some kind, but he is completely right. I don't remember deciding to wrap arms around him but I do, and after a few seconds, he hugs me back.

"My life is screwed up."

"You have no idea."

"I feel like I should be crying."

He doesn't reply at first, but he presses his hand to my cheek and turns my face towards his. We don't talk for a while, but eventually he says,

"None of this is your fault."

"I wish I could believe that." I murmur so quietly he might not have even heard me. He just presses his lips to my forehead, and we stand there for a long time.

**A/N: Thank God I got that finished. Then next chapter will have to be from Al's perspective 'cause if it was from Tris the chapter would be exactly the same as the book. Please, please review. **


	3. to improve yourself

**A/N: I'm sorry to say this, but all my stories will go on hiatus for the next 3 weeks because I'm going to camp. I will update afterwards as soon as I can, and I will be thinking about ideas my entire time. Also, if you have any ideas for this story, please PM me, or leave it in a review because I really don't know where I'm gonna go with this. **

I watch Tris and Four's conversation from around the corner. I get that Tris will probably never love me, and it's almost inevitably she will go for Four, but it still hurts to see them hugging right in front of me.

One thing is for certain though. If I want to stay in Dauntless, I have to get a really good time in my fear landscape, and in order to do that, I have to learn to deal with my fears. I don't have that many fears, but I'm terrible at controlling them. We have a week to prepare; I may as well start now.

*Pagebreak*

"Will, can I speak to you?"

"What do you want Al?"

"I know you're mad at me, and I'm sorry. I would give anything to go back in time and stop what I did, but I can't, so I've resolved to fix myself, and I need you to help me."

"I'm listening…"

"First things first, I need to pass initiation. We both know my scores we terrible for stage one and two. I have to get a really good score for stage three to even stand a chance of getting in the top ten. I need to work on controlling my fears. Will you help me?"

"Fine, but promise me one thing."

"Anything."

"Don't touch a hair on Christina, or Tris's head, until they've forgiven you."

"Fine, I promise, just please help me."

"Okay, what are your known fears?"

"Beating people up, hurting Tris-"

"Then, how did you manage to help Peter?"

"I don't know, just let me finish. My parent's rejection, Simulations, Don't make fun of me, Tris and Four being together-"

"Four must have had fun watching that…"

"Can you stop interrupting?"

"Fine, fine."

"Heights, drowning, getting buried alive, and Four."

"I can help with some of those. How about let's start with beating people up?"

"Um okay?"

"Let's go to the training room. We are going to stay there until you beat me unconscious."

"Ummmm, uhhhh."

"Don't worry about it, I don't mind. We should get going."

*PageBreak*

"You're acting like a spayed little puppy." Will taunts, and he even makes whimpering sounds for good measure.

"Will, stop, you're hurting my feelings."

"You want me to stop? Hit me!" he says, kinda loudly, before he punches me in the face.

"Hit me back!"

"I can't!"

"Remember our first fight? You know, when you knocked me out? Hit me back!" he says in a jeering voice, as he pummels my stomach with his fists. The rages bubbles up inside of me, and I lose it for a few seconds. My fists have their own mind, and in almost no time, Will is on the floor with his eyes closed.

Guilt flows through me. I shouldn't have done that. I reach for a water bottle, and I pour water on his face. He jerks back to consciousness.

"Nice job Al! You did it! It only took 10 minutes! Cut that time in half, and you could do pretty well! Now help me to the hospital, I might have a concussion."

*Pagebreak*

"We want to keep him for another hour for observation. If there are no more complications, you are free to go." A cheery nurse says.

"Al, you don't need to sit here. I'm okay. Go and eat."

"No I did this, I'm going to keep you company."

"Suit yourself."

It's been two hours, and Will is completely back to his old self, before I attacked Tris. I can't even describe how happy I was to have a friend again.

Tris and Christian burst in.

"Will, what the hell happened this time?" Christina says exasperatedly. Finally she sees me, "What are _you _doing here?"

"Christina, calm down, I'm helping him get over his fears." Will says.

"Why?" Tris says in a nasty tone. I need to speak up.

"Tris how many times can I say I'm sorry?"

"Fuck you Al." Tris exclaims, as she rushes out. Christina looks like she can't decide whether to stay with Al, or go after Tris.

"Will, I'll talk to you later." She says, as she walks out. We can hear her calling for Tris outside the hospital. She has a loud voice.

"They'll get over it." Will says.

"I hope so."

"Hey Al, have you ever thought about asking Four for help? He has access to all the simulation equipment."

"Not going to happen."

"Why? Al, put your pride away for a second. He's our instructor. If you want to pass initiation, you should talk to him."

"Fine, we'll talk to him tomorrow."

**A/N: I hope you liked it. I'll see you guys in three weeks. Please review. I want a bunch of fanfiction notifications when I come back from camp. **


	4. Guilt thicker than blood

**A/N: I'm finally back. Camp was awesome, but everything ends. By the way, do not ever think about reading a book called The Hot Zone. It is disgusting, terrifying, and overall boring. Warning, this will be gory.**

**Al:**

At night before I go to sleep, I realize Tris isn't here. She left with Will and Christina, but didn't return when they did. When I asked Will where she was, he just shrugged. I really hope she's going to be okay.

Surprisingly, I fall asleep easily, without dreams. I must have been more tired than I thought.

I sit at a table alone, leaning against my hand staring at my food. Tris looked so happy when she left the dorm, I just wish I could share in her happiness, or at least be the cause of it. Maybe in the future I will.

"Initiates. Lauren and I will lead you up to the fear landscape now." Four says, loudly.

I follow behind the pack of people. We right outside the fear landscape room.

"Two years ago, I was afraid of spiders, suffocation, walls that inch forward slowly, getting thrown out of dauntless, uncontrollable bleeding, getting run over by a train, my father's death, public humiliation, and kidnapping by men without faces." Lauren informs us. "Most of you will have anywhere from ten to fifteen fears. That is the average number."

"What is the lowest number someone has gotten?" A bald girl asks.

"In recent years, four." She replies.

Wow, only four fears. I can imagine how easy it must have been for that person to get through their landscape.

"You will not find out your number today. The simulation is set to my fear landscape program, so you will only experience one of my fears." Lauren says, before she starts giving out random fears to people. I get uncontrollable bleeding, which isn't so bad, because it isn't one of my fears, and I'm really not that scared of non stop bleeding, especially when I know the simulation isn't real, but knowing me I'll still be really bad at it.

She calls the first person up, and he goes into the room, and comes out ashen. More people go in, and before I know it, my name is called. I walk up. Four injects me with the serum, and it feels like he didn't really try to make in painless.

I walk into the fear landscape room, and in a few second, the brick room has been transformed into what looks like I pure white sphere.

Suddenly, I feel something wet and warm drip down from my nose. I know before I look at it that it is thick red blood. More blood drips from my nose, and then it gushes harder, without clotting. I feel drips of blood from my eyes, as if I am crying tears.

The blood begins to pour from every single opening in my body. My skin becomes squishy and bruised. I rub the bruises. The skin peels away, as if the connective tissues that hold the skin together just turned to pudding. Blood pours from the gashes that just formed.

I can see why this would be absolutely terrifying for someone who is actually afraid of this, but it really doesn't scare me, and it doesn't really hurt that much either. It's just kind of gross, and the smell of blood is making my head reel.

I feel a dull ache in my stomach and a sting in my throat. I vomit up slimy red blood, specked with black. _Eww that is so gross. _

The smell gets to me, and I think of how Peter made Tris bleed that night we hung her over the chasm. A wave of guilt flows over me, thicker than the blood that still pours from every part of my body. I sink to my knees. _Tris… I'm so sorry. I didn't want anything to happen to you. _

I vision pops into my mind of Tris bleeding out the same way I am now. My heart rate speeds up, and I break out in sweat. _She's fine. Nothing can happen to her. You aren't really bleeding right now; it's just the fear landscape. It's not even your fear. _

I force myself to breathe slower, and to calm down. It must work, because I open my eyes to brick. I walk out the door. Lauren smiles grimly at me, but Four just looks at me without an ounce of emotion. I stand back in my original place.

Tris is the last person to go. Her fear is kidnapping. She couldn't have gotten a worse fear, considering what I did to her a few days ago. Of course I didn't expect her to just scream on top of her lungs for a minute straight.

"Stop!" Four says sternly. Lauren pushes a button on the wall. Four walks into the room and pulls Tris out by her wrist. She looks pale and vulnerable.

"What the hell was that stiff?!" he asks

"I… I didn't…"

"Get yourself together, this is pathetic." He taunts. In a split second, all the weakness disappears from Tris's face, only to be replaced will strength and rage. She slowly clenches her fists, and she punches Four on the side of his face so hard I see her fist mark on his face. Okay, maybe the sight of Four getting hit raised my spirits a little.

I expect Four to react violently, but his eyes just widen and he stares at her in shock. She stares back determinedly.

"Shut up." She hisses, before turning on her heel and walking straight out of the room.

Four just stares after here, his face unreadable, but definitely stormy.

"You're dismissed." He says, to everyone monotone. Will beckons to me.

"Now is the perfect time to ask Four to help you. Go now. I wanna get lunch with Christina. I'm sure you can handle Four."

"Ummm, sure." I say. Will leaves. I make my way over to where Four and Lauren are talking.

"You can't just let an initiate get away with that." Lauren says

"I have it under control." Four replies.

"No I don't think you do."

"Lauren, I said I have it under control. This is none of your concern."

"Fine, I'll let you deal with it, but just remember not to go easy on her just because of where she came from." Lauren says. Four takes a step closer to her. He is easily 6 inches taller than her, and she looks like mouse cornered by a lion, with the knowledge it's about to get eaten.

"You have absolutely no right to say that. I have proved my right to be here over and over again. Why can't you people just accept that I'm Dauntless, and let the past be past. Maybe I wasn't born Dauntless like you, but my rank obviously shows I belong here. Just go. I'll clean up." Four says calmly, but I've learned that Four's calm voice should never be trusted. Lauren walks quickly away. Four begins pressing buttons on the control panel. I clear my throat.

"What do you want Al?" He says without even turning around. "If you can't see, I'm not really in the best mood; I don't need to deal with pigs like you right now."

"I came to ask for help. Unless I get a really good time on my fear landscape, there is no way I'll be able to stay in Dauntless. I want some extra help controlling my fears."

"And why should I help you?"

"Because you're my instructor. You may not like me, and you have a valid reason not to, heck I don't even like myself, but you have a responsibility to us initiates, to train us, and get us through initiation."

"Good point. I'll help you. Just don't touch Tris ever again, or I will kill you." I doesn't sound like he's joking "You have a week to prepare. Meet me in the training room at 8 tomorrow, now I have some things to sort out."

He turns back around and continues pressing buttons. I walk out of the room, feeling slightly happy.


	5. And the training begins

**A/N: Oh em gizzle I got so many followers and favorites last chapter. It made me feel so good when I would open my email and see "FanFiction alert. New follower for your story Not By My hands" Thank you so much. It makes me so happy. Sorry I took so long. My brother had his Bar Mitzva, and all my reletives came. It was so stressful. I won't be able to update that quickly anymore, because of school :"( **

**Al:**

"Will, wake up" I say, as I shake Will's shoulder. His eyes jerk open.

"What, what's happening?" he asks.

"I need you to come with me to training with Four?"

"Why do you need me with you?"

"Because I don't want to be alone with Four."

"Yeah he is pretty scary. Okay I'll come with."

One we are dressed, I rather hesitantly make my way to the training room, with Will beside me.

**Tris:**

"Tobias, no."

"Please Tris, I know you don't it, and you have a fair reason too, but just do it for me."

"Just, no. I don't want to get hurt, and I don't want to make out with you in front of Al."

"Tris, he's still a person. I'm the trainer. Training is what I do."

"So you are seriously helping him, and not only that, but you want me to help you help him?" something inside of me shatters. Maybe I don't mean as much to him as I thought. Our little thing last night probably didn't mean that much to him either. I'm just another one of his girlfriends. He must have noticed something on my face because he says in a softer voice,

"Tris don't take it badly. I'm sorry, I need to keep reminding myself that you aren't invulnerable. I understand if you don't want to do it, and I won't force to do anything, ever. I just thought your Abnegation side would appeal to this."

Something in his voice makes me feel guilty for even saying no in the first place.

"Okay fine, I'll do it. You sure know how to load on the guilt, don't you?"

He laughs. I like the sound of his laugh; it is a deep hearty laugh.

"In the old world, they used to call it Jewish mother's guilt."

"What the hell is that?"

"I have no idea." He says with a smile, before he pulls me closer to him and kisses me, softly, and sweetly. Any doubts I had about him vanish. Sadly I eventually pull away.

"When do I have to do this?"

"In 15 minutes."

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

"Yeah, that's true. Let's just go, before I change my mind."

"Thank you. I promise you Tris, you are my first priority. If you want to back out, at any point, I promise you can, and I will protect you to the best of my abilities."

I smile, grab his hand, and tug him in the direction of the training room.

**Al:**

When I walk into the training room, I see Four fiddling with some equipment, and to my surprise, Tris is sitting in a chair, with her legs crossed, picking at her nails. The sight of her makes my heart speed up, and I begin to sweat. She scowls when she sees me.

"Hi Tris." Will says, not even willing to ask questions. She smiles tersely, and gives him a small wave. Four speaks up,

"Today we will work on controlling a few of your fears. I am aware that a few of your fears involve Tris, so she grudgingly agreed to help." Tris looks at him, and they communicate silently.

"What fears am a facing?" I ask. Tris chews her lip.

"Before Four says anything, what happens in this room stays in this room, Will, if you go blabbing off to Christina. Or anyone for that matter, Four will get you thrown out of Dauntless." She says confidently.

"The fears we will face today are: Me, heights, buried alive, hurting Tris, and Tris and I… 'together'" Four says, without any emotion.

Will snickers lightly, and all three of us glare at him. He raises his hands in surrender.

"Are we doing them in order?" I ask. Four nods.

"Get in the ring." He says. I don't argue, that would be stupid. I just head into the ring, and he follows. When I get to it, I turn around and look at him, nervousness coursing through my veins.

Suddenly, He punches me in the face. My blood turns to lead. He punches me again in the ribs. I feel cold. I can only make feeble attempts at blocking his punches that don't work. A thought pops into my head. What if this is just an elaborate plan to kill me? It doesn't seem that likely, but it could be true. He continues punching and kicking me. I feel pain all over my body, and I try to resist the urge to crawl into the fetal position. I can barely dodge his hits. I feel sweat all over my body, and I just know my face is pale as ice. Four practically growls at me. I can't believe this idiot one over Tris. She deserves better. He will just take her heart and smash it with a hammer. She deserves better than him. Better than me too, but at least I would treat her well. I'd treat her like a queen. Why didn't Tris fall for me instead? Anger wells up inside of me I feel strength flow into my body. Without thinking, I shove Four as hard as I can away from me.

"Get off me Four."

He falls to the ground five feet in front of me. Will cheers. Tris rushes to Four, and helps him up, scowling at me the entire time. If looks could kill…

Four nods at me.

"That's one fear overcome. Onto the next."

"You aren't mad I shoved you?" I ask

"That was the point wasn't it?" he asks. I grunt in reply. "Anyways, the next fear is heights. Just follow me."

"Do I have to come?" Tris asks. He smiles at her. I hate that he smiles at her.

"No you don't."

"Cool." She replies. Will also opts to stay and wait. I follow Four out of the room.

**Tris:**

Will and I are left behind in the training room.

"So how come you didn't go, since you're all buddy buddy with Al now?"

"I'm also scared of heights."

"Wow, it's a common fear."

"Well, throughout the years, we have evolved to at least be wary of heights, because they are dangerous. Like spiders."

"Oh. I'm not scared of heights. I actually really like them."

He looks at me like I'm crazy, and then we just sit in silence for a few minutes.

"So, you and Four, Huh?" he asks, with a cheeky smile on his face.

"Shut up Will."

"So how long has this little thing been going on?"

I glare at him as hard as I can.

"Hey, I'm just curious." He says, "You know, Four is all mean and scary, and you're actually a semi nice person. It's just kinda weird. I'm sure Christina told you that I kissed her, shouldn't you have said something?"

"You're smart, you should know that if people found out about… you know, I would be accused of favoritism."

"Is that how you got such a high score?"

"Of course not, Will. Just because I'm not physically strong, doesn't mean I'm not mentally strong. Maybe I just don't have a lot of fears."

"Yeah but human nature stops us from seeing the best in people. We always want to see the worst."

"So are you going to go blab to everyone about this?"

"No. you're my friend. Can I at least tell Christina?"

"How about I tell her myself?"

"Deal."

A few moments pass in silence. Will smiles mischievously.

"So is he a good kisser?" Will asks.

"WILL!" I gasp. I throw the first thing I can reach at him, which happens to be a plastic water bottle that bounces off him harmlessly. "I will kill you if you make another joke about it!" I hiss. He just laughs.

"Fine, fine, miss Abnegation."

"Ugh, just shut up already."

**Al:**

"Why are we up here?" I ask.

"You'll see." He says from right ahead of me. We are walking along pathways above the pit that freak me out. Finally, Four stops right in front of a sort of platform with rails on all sides of it. It is probably 5 square feet. Without warning, Four pushes me onto it, and locks the gait. He then kicks the platform and it rolls out to the middle of the pit. If one thing goes wrong, I will fall, and die.

I feel the cold sensation of fear run through me.

"There is a button to your left. You have conquered your fear when you gather the courage to push it." Four shouts.

Wait, seriously? He wants me to push a button that will send me to my death? I am at least 100 feet up, maybe more. There are below me that look tiny. Many look up, but no one really cares. This must happen often.

The only way out of this is to press the button, which is exactly what I don't want to do. I look down again at the floor many feet below me. It makes my body ache, and my head pound. I scream through clenched teeth. If I push the button I can end this torture, but I will also fall.

I grab my wrist with my other hand, and push the hand towards the button. I am shaking all over. I touch the button. It is ice cold. All I need is a bit more force, and the button with give. Be 

_Al, if you want to win over Tris you need to press this button. Hell, if you don't press the button you won't even become a member_.

I press the button. For a second nothing happens, and there is the strange pain I get in my feet when I think of falling. Suddenly, there is a click, and the platform drops. I look up to see that there is rope falling with the platform. There is air rushing against my face.

I feel the platform stop moving, and a jolt of pain goes through me. I bounce up a few feet, only to fall back down to the metal platform painfully.

I barely have time to breathe before there is a metallic buzzing, and the platform begins to rise again. This time I don't look down. When I get to the top, the platform rolls back to the ledge where Four is standing. He doesn't help me out.

"That only took you 5 minutes. if you cut that time down by a minute you might not do so badly."

"The next fear is getting buried alive."

"Yep."

"How are we gonna do that?" I ask.

"By burying you alive."

"Uhhhhh, sounds great" I say. We head back to the training room, where Four tells us to wait for him buy the main entrance to Dauntless, before he disappears. Tris walks at least 15 feet in front of Will and I. I miss the times when she walked right next to me. I remember picking her up on my back when Four got drunk. Even if I can't have her, I still wish we could be friends. I walk a little faster so I can catch up with her.

"Tris, I'm sorry. I know things will never be the same between us, but can we at least be friends?"

"Really Al? you helped Peter almost throw me over the chasm. You think we can just go back to being friends? I prefer not to make friends with animals."

"Tris please. I'm sorry. If you weren't willing to forgive me, then why did you come help me?"

"You really think I'm doing this for you? I'm doing this for Four, because he asked me to. If it was up to me, I would leave you to rot with the factionless."

I stop in my tracks, with tears in my eyes. There goes my heart, dying on the floor. Will comes up behind me and grabs my arm.

"Just give it time. It's only been a few days. Let her cool down."

"Will, you don't understand. I'm in love with her." I say. Will pinches his lips together like he is holding something back.

"Let's just get to the entrance." And that is exactly what we do. Five minutes later, Four comes, holding a metal contraption, and a large fabric cube.

"Let's go outside." Four grumbles. It is hot and humid outside. Four leads us to a soft patch of grass. He unities something on the fabric cube, and it pops open into a large rectangular box.

"This," Four begins, holding up the metal thing, "Is a mechanical shovel, and the box is to put Al in to bury him."

I feel numb all over. Four begins using the shovel thingy, and in 20 minutes we have a hole big enough to put me in.

"I'm going back in, its way to hot out here." Will announces, and walks off. Feel very alone. I really don't like Four, and Tris won't even look at me. Not the best company.

Four puts the box into the hole.

"Get in the hole." He says. I numbly step into the box and lie down. Four attaches something to my neck. "You can come out when your heart slows down. Just like the simulations."

And then the lid closes. I hear the pounding of dirt on the lid, and the fabric starts to bend. At least the wire skeleton holds it up. In a minute, the light is completely gone, to be replaced by complete darkness.

I start to panic. Every time I move, I can feel the box around me. I push against the lid, but the dirt does not give way. What if Four really leaves me down here?

**Tris:**

"His next fear is hurting you. What do you think? I don't want him touching you at all."

"I've been beat up before, it's okay."

"Tris, I know he is a coward, but he _is_ strong. I don't want you getting hurt."

"Are you gonna walk out like you did when Peter beat me up?" I say, only half joking.

"Tris, that was because Eric was there. If I stayed any longer, I would have done something. I don't like seeing you in pain, which is why I don't want you doing this, besides he practically conquered that fear already."

"Four, as much as I'm angry at Al, I do think he should at least get a chance to be Dauntless, even though I'm not gonna admit that to his face."

"So you're going to forgive him?"

"I never said that. I just think he deserves a second chance."

"Fine, but if you get scared, or want to back out, just tell me."

"This is Dauntless. You're supposed to help me conquer my fears, not encourage me to be a coward."

"It's only because I care about you."

"I'll be fine."

"I hope so" he says. Suddenly the machine that lets us know when Al's heartbeat has slowed lets out a beep. Four gets up to dig him out.

**A/N: I was thinking about putting all of the fears in one chapter but then it started getting really long, and I never had time to finish it. I'll probably write tomorrow. Please. Please review. Even if you hate it, flames are 100% accepted. **


	6. loving those who hate you

**A/N: So I know I promised I would update like two weeks ago, and I never did, and you guys are probably pissed at me, because I keep promising to update, and I never do, but I'm sorry. For some reason I find this story hard to write, like it's just not a good story. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely going to continue, I'm just telling you why I don't update this as often. Anyways, if you were excited about maybe Tris forgiving Al in the future, sorry. *Cussing* **

**Al: **

"So I have to beat Tris up?" I ask dreadfully.

"Yes." Four replies, his voice void of any emotion.

"Like what we did during first stage?"

"Just get on the matt."

"I thought I wasn't allowed to ever touch Tris again."

"Get on the matt shithead." Four says in his scary monotone voice.

I scurry on to the matt, where Tris is standing. She looks bored.

"Come on Al, hurting me in nothing new." She snaps at me

"How many times can I say I'm sorry? I didn't want to do it."

"No one forced you Al. If you didn't want to, you shouldn't have!"

"It's not that simple. I was jealous, I was hurt, I didn't know what I was doing. I love you Tris."

Her eyes dart to something the side which I know is Four, without looking.

"Shut up Al. you are a sick fucked up pig. I will never forgive you. I don't even want to see you again."

My entire body hurts. I don't want to live anymore. I love Tris so much, and she hates me. No one likes me, my family probably hates me. If I died writing now no one would care.

"Please Tris. I wish I didn't do it. Can we just start over? I'm so sorry."

"No. Am I supposed to forgive you, after you did such a horrible thing to me? Go fuck yourself." She says, and then spits on me. I get angry. Really angry. I charge at her, before everything goes fuzzy.

When I come to, Tris is on the floor with blood and bruises all over her, unconscious. My hands are sore, and swollen. I fall to my knees.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Four shouts. He runs to check on Tris. She must be okay, because he comes to me, menacingly.

"When I said to get over your fear, I didn't mean try to kill her! You really are a sick person. I thought maybe it was worth it to help you, but you are beyond help." He kicks me in the chin, and I bite down on my tongue. I taste blood. He kicks me again, and again. I don't make an effort to stop him. I deserve it. I deserve the pain. I deserve to die.

He eventually stops. He picks Tris up, so gently, and leaves. I curl up in a ball, and just stay there.

**Tris:**

My eyes open to the blinding white light of the hospital. With Christina, Will, And Uriah hovering over me. I'm not surprised Tobias isn't here, even though I wish he was.

"What happened?" I ask

"Al attacked you again. Four found you and brought you here. Is it just me, or is he constantly following you around?" Christina asks. Will gives me a knowing look. I turn away.

"I can't believe that creep attacked you again. There's something wrong with him." Uriah says.

"I agree. Anyways, did that nurse tell you what's wrong with me?" I inquire.

"Minor concussion. You can leave by tonight." Says Christina. "Tris do you mind if we go get something to eat?"

"Not at all." I say, and they file out. 20 minutes later, Tobias comes in.

"Are you okay?" he asks, knitting his eyebrows together.

"I'm fine, nothing worse than training. I just can't believe how angry Al got."

"He probably has anger management problems. I told you I didn't want you doing this."

"Please, you overviewed our physical training, and now you're worried?" I ask. He doesn't answer me; he just presses his hand to the side of my face, and brushes my cheekbone with his thumb.

"Al is beyond help. Whether or not he makes it into Dauntless is in the hands of God." Tobias tells me.

**A/N: I know it was short, but that felt like a good place to end it. I'll try to update soon, but I make no promises. REVIEW PLEASE!**


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